So my brother has started posting his own Dennis Miller-esque rants on a different web journal site. I have to say that for as much sarcastic wit as I like to think I possess, he's got me beat by a mile. Maybe it has to do with the fact that he's cursed. No, really. He's super intelligent, but has a learning disability; he plays guitar better than anyone I personally know, but has some strange here-to-fore-unseen disease that represents itself as demonic arthritis; and he gets a cush job sitting on his crack all day, only to slip on ice 2 weeks into it and suffer some kind of weird brain damage. And Dave, if you're reading this, I'm sure you appreciate me airing all of your dirty laundry. Just think of it as sympathy points, man. All you have to do is pay me to post a picture, and tons of chicks will line up just wanting to make your day a little better.

Anyway, he's a funny kid, so bookmark his page. Or, do what I do:
Step 1: Download Mozilla Thunderbird (more on this later)
Step 2: Set up the .RSS feed directly into your email/newsreader
Step 3: Have news webpages and weblog sites (except for this one until it's fixed) come to you.

Now I just need to find a god to anger.

Well, I've done it. I've semi-officially decommissioned my personal website in favor of Tabulas. Until the time comes when I learn how to do this XML magic you call RSS, or weblogging, I'll just have to stick to templates and easy cut-and-paste ways of putting content into the ether. Not that anybody reads it no matter where I put it. What I need is a marketing strategy.

On to matters of the organ below the heart (no, not that one). Let's see what we can pull from Mama Holt's recipe collection...

I'll resist the temptation to post recipes for my cheescake (you've got to sweet-talk me first) or RAT Poison (you know what I'm talking about), but this is almost as good. Even better is the fact that it uses 0 eggs for you cholesterol-intolerant.

Crap You're Going To Need:
1 box Devil's Food Cake mix
1 small box of non-instant chocolate pudding
2 c milk
1 large bag semi-sweet chocolate chips
ice or whipped cream (optional)

What You're Going To Do:
1. Make the pudding according to the directions on the box. You're going to need the milk for this, as well as probably a pot and a stirring implement, but I'm not one to dictate.
2. When you're done with the cooking part, take it off of the stove and pour in the box of cake mix. Don't add eggs or any other crap: just the powdery devil's-food goodness and the proto-pudding. Mix.
3. Pour the mixture into a greased and floured cake pan. I use a 13.5"x8.75"x1.75" Pyrex^® dish, but do what feels right.
4. Sprinkle the chocolate chips on top. You really could have gone for the smaller bag, but that would leave you unable to devour the rest of them in a Cookie Monster-esque orgy.
5. Bake for 30 minutes at 350. I'm really going to be a stickler about this. I hate to harsh your mellow, but except for various altitudinal adjustments, you should really be right on these numbers.
6. After allowing to cool, you can top this with ice cream, whipped cream (my favorite), or a combination of both.

Try to eat this in at least n sittings where n>1.

So I don't know what the title of this entry alludes to, other than the fact that I had a local brand of soda during my day of reading and writing in a local coffee shop; reading which included an article in Wired about hip hop legend Afrika Bambaataa.

I finished Crytonomicon today. It is definitely in my list of Top books (another list for my content pages!). As I've mentioned before, it appeals the that huge throbbing nerd in me. After 918 pages, I'm inappropriately interested in cryptography, at least for the next 2 days. In that span, I anticipate becoming an expert, devising my own crypto-system, and breaking PGP. A man's got to have dreams. Speaking of which...

No, we won't go there.

I'm going to start a new book now: Jonathan Strange & Mr. Norrell by Susanna Clarke. I can't even really remember what it's supposed to be about, but it looked good when I bought it. It's 782 pages, so I should finish it in 4.26 weeks instead of 5. Wish me luck.

I think I might actually get some sort of Holiday missive sent out to all of those people who are wondering what the hell happened to me. Yes, I am that arrogant to think people still wonder.

So I did the whole Santa thing last week. It didn't suck at all. In fact, it was a significant amount of fun. There were a grand total of 0 beard-pullings or shin-kickings. Maybe I'll get a nice picture up soon.

But this got me to thinking: I kind of don't like the festivity of Christmas. I mean, I've never been into the religious side (a full explanation would take too long), but I realized that I don't really like carols or decorations or any of that... other than the trees and lights. Those can stay. Then, today I realized that I actually do like 1 Christmas album. I can listen to the Charlie Brown Christmas soundtrack ALL DAY. In fact, I did because it played at the café all day. From Vince Guaraldi's piano stylings to the out-of-tune singing on "Hark! The Herald Angels Sing," it is all pretty smooth.

Based on my new kitchen layout/computer setup, I need a cordless keyboard. Just sayin's all.

I guess I need to do laundry tomorrow. I might as well take that time to do some writing, whether on my holiday missive, or on some music reviews I've been needing to send out for TAP.

Okay, so I'm a huge nerd, but I'm thinking of the next 25 days until the end of the holiday season in terms of a military operation:

Phase I of Operation AHAB was put into operation today at approximately 1600 hours GMT, and will cease no later than 1500 GMT on 12 December. If Phase I is successful, Phase II will follow and continue until no later than 0559 GMT on 1 January. If either phase is unsuccessful, make preparations for SOS on 31 December.

If any of that made any sense, then congratulations, you're me! If you're curious, just ask. Personally, I just enjoy all of the insinuations, parallels, and hidden meanings just in the name AHAB.

(Yes, I'm a freak. I'm not even really obsessing over the objective. It just makes it more of a game when I start going all Sun-Tzu in the old cabeza.)

For a hint as to what this is really all about, check out the Music of the Moment